My Only Friend Was Food

"Before college, I was never the thinnest person on the planet. I was in shape, but I was curvy. I had boobs, and a butt, and I worked it.. I didn't care that I wasn't a waif. Then, I graduated and went to school at SUNY Purchase, a small liberal arts school a little north of New York City.

I really didn't make any friends, and basically became a recluse. I was always social but just didn't fit in at Purchase. A formerly light eater, I developed a crazy appetite and ate constantly. I had a big meal plan and plenty of free time, so I ate my way through my days.

I was depressed because I wasn't making friends, so M&Ms made me feel better. I put on about ten pounds that year, which didn't bother me that much at all, but I knew I had to transfer schools. Then, as it was too late to transfer for the fall semester, I went back to Purchase for sophomore year. That summer, I had lost an aunt to cancer and my puppy was hit by a car, and I started to lose the weight I had gained at school because I wasn't eating. I wasn't dealing with anything properly. So I went back to school, and there were the dining halls, the constant access to sugary foods whenever I wanted. I still had no friends, so I spent my time hoarding food into my dorm room. I was so sick of being alone and so sick of the way things were going, I just ate. If I couldn't talk to someone to feel better, I always had cupcakes and chips to rely on. They were always there when I needed them.

I finished the fall semester and transferred to NYU for the spring. NYU is the right fit for me, but living in New York City isn't great for my waistline. I am currently the heaviest I have ever been, having gained almost thirty pounds since I graduated high school. I'm so happy with my life and the way things are going, but it kills me inside everytime I have to look in the mirror. I hate seeing people from high school because I can see it on their faces.. they're thinking, "Ooh, she's gotten heavy." I know I'm heavy.

My doctor told me to lose weight and that she was concerned because of my rapid weight gain. So what did I do? I left her office, cried in my car, and went to Starbucks and got a cookie. I need to learn how to control my cravings and not eat when I am emotional or upset. I'm ready to get my physical being back to where it was, on par with my mental being. I'm ready to make the change. I just need to know how."

New York University


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